My name is Christian Lambert and I find writing a autobiography quite pointless. If you wanted to find out more about me, you could of tweeted me, tagged me in an Instagram photo, even stalked me and asked in person! Yet so many people (and the media) have asked for this, so here it goes.

I was born in London, England, in a part of South London called Lambeth. my parents thought I was unique. I was a fat baby. A very fat baby. Imagine the fattest person in the word decreased in height and mental ability. Yep, that was me. I burned it off quickly though, so my parents could finally find out how handsome and charming I was going to be. Despite me being slim, I would eat anything. Literally anything. From a pork pie to a bit of cotton, it would go straight into my mouth, even if I wasn’t hungry. I made a very healthy relationship with the TV. Very healthy indeed. I remember watching things like The Wiggles and Fireman Sam at six in the morning, calling my parents to turn on the DVD Player. I don’t think think they enjoyed that. Whatever I watched, I bought the kit. From a Lazy Town costume to a Wiggles duvet, I had the lot. I also enjoyed learning the accents and how the characters speak (I know this because Fireman Sam is where I first used my fantastic Liverpool accent). My catchphrase was: “Sort it out Mummy, sort it out!” I used this when a show on my CBeebies  DVD I didn’t like came on. I may have eaten anything food wise, yet I was a fussy baby when it came to television…

I said my first word when I was 8 months old. It was “DAD!” which I probably said because I hungry. It was said so loudly and clearly in my dad spring out of bed at once. I also spoke my own language, which wasn’t very helpful when asking my parents for things. I also started to become even more playful. I have a memory of running through Portugal with my dad, making my mum laugh considerably. I went on holiday a lot when I was younger, mainly the Greek islands and other places in Europe. At these times, my sister was also a massive inspiration. She was near the end of her time at Secondary school, so I took particular delight in running in and out of our room reacting certain scenes from Wallee (my favourite film at the time). I also made my first few friends…

I struggled making friends when I was younger. They had to be perfect. Literally perfect. Same aspiration, same sport team, same view on drugs, same favourite TV show, same area, same favourite train line, same favourite everything. Anything else was not good enough.